New look, same great taste
Ben Kreucher
Issue date: 1/26/06 Section: Humor
Apparently, the CDR is now at yellow alert. For all you non-Trekkies, that means stage two in the improvement process. (Yellow alert is one step below red alert on Star Trek.) We've all eaten in the CDR at least once. We all know the way it brings out tablecloths to gussy up the place for prospectives and parents. The best food is always served when they try to impress and only then. The other days, we're forced to eat the grade F meat, drink the vitamin K milk, and watch as the Kool-Aid is stirred with a gorilla's arm. I miss those days. Now I just spend my time trying to conserve my precious WittGold in the Commons, er, I mean, Post 95. The prices are so ridiculous that I feel I should be losing digits or limbs, or at least an eye every time I walk up to the cashier. But, back to the topic at hand, the Center Dining Room.
The CDR is a great place to meet friends, eat as much as you want--since you do pay $10.50 a dinner or something like that. Talk about the freshman 15; if I ate ten dollars of food every dinner, I'd be bigger than the entire Wittenberg Tiger football offensive line. And that's not even the worst part. We all know that after every meal there's that waiting period before we can do anything else. Usually five to fifteen minutes after eating (I won't go into graphic detail for those of you who are eating or have weak stomachs). I think the CDR must put something into the food they're serving.
So, this "reporter" took it upon himself to check it out. What I found might shock and surprise you. Then again, you have eaten there, so it probably won't. My "research" into this matter was very thorough. I spent countless hours observing people eat in the CDR and then making the famous runs home (get it, runs? Yeah, me neither). What I discovered was that in fact the dining staff takes great pleasure in the student body and in serving them. All except one guy, Billy Gillespie, aka The Prankster. He pulls pranks on the student body as a whole just to get his jollies.
The CDR is a great place to meet friends, eat as much as you want--since you do pay $10.50 a dinner or something like that. Talk about the freshman 15; if I ate ten dollars of food every dinner, I'd be bigger than the entire Wittenberg Tiger football offensive line. And that's not even the worst part. We all know that after every meal there's that waiting period before we can do anything else. Usually five to fifteen minutes after eating (I won't go into graphic detail for those of you who are eating or have weak stomachs). I think the CDR must put something into the food they're serving.
So, this "reporter" took it upon himself to check it out. What I found might shock and surprise you. Then again, you have eaten there, so it probably won't. My "research" into this matter was very thorough. I spent countless hours observing people eat in the CDR and then making the famous runs home (get it, runs? Yeah, me neither). What I discovered was that in fact the dining staff takes great pleasure in the student body and in serving them. All except one guy, Billy Gillespie, aka The Prankster. He pulls pranks on the student body as a whole just to get his jollies.
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