To shave, or not to shave
Ben Kreucher
Issue date: 2/9/06 Section: Humor
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Well, it's that time of year again. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, weather-wise at least. Some of us know that tomorrow we have homework or a big test or a hefty paper due. Few of us realize that Monday is garbage day; but fear not, for tomorrow is Friday, the begining of the weekend. But, for those of us living in Ohio, we never know what the weather will bring ,and last weekend's spur of the moment snow really brought back to mind one very important question: "Do I buy razors or save that money and put it towards heat?"
Obviously, this is a debate for the ages. Since no one knows when winter will actually end and spring begin, I have an important decision to make. Not helping the matter at all is the fact that Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Wait, that doesn't affect my decision at all. I'll be sitting at home with a half-gallon of cookies and cream ice cream, plopped in front of the TV watching bad movies that celebrate the romance that I don't have in my life. But, that's off topic. Seriously folks, I don't think you understand the gravity of this debate; are the extra few degrees from 59 to 61 all that important in the grand scheme of things? Will not shaving for a month really keep my face that much warmer? Who knows the answers to these questions? It's just like the great debate, "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" How can we hope to find an answer?
Too often, I think we shoot for the easy way out and just try to budget our money in a different way, hoping that by skimping on food supplies and toilet paper we can make it through the week clean-shaven and only wearing a sweater or a fleece while at home. But, a man's gotta eat and everyone poops. I can't starve myself in the middle of winter. Do I look like a bear (well, maybe in a few weeks), can I hibernate the cold away (not without my grades suffering), and, the kicker, am I seriously that lazy that I won't shave just to stay a little warmer (yes)?
I think I just may live in the 24-hour computer lab. That place is so hot, I think it's actually a sauna. It's great for winter, but once I walk back outside all that sweat is not going to help me stay warm. Looks like I'll just have to skimp on the shaving for a while. Sorry ladies; I know how much you'll miss the clean-shaven me. Not to worry, there'll still be the memory of my baby-faced self for you to dream about on those long, cold nights. And remember, with Valentine's Day just around the corner, anyone could be your new special someone.
Obviously, this is a debate for the ages. Since no one knows when winter will actually end and spring begin, I have an important decision to make. Not helping the matter at all is the fact that Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Wait, that doesn't affect my decision at all. I'll be sitting at home with a half-gallon of cookies and cream ice cream, plopped in front of the TV watching bad movies that celebrate the romance that I don't have in my life. But, that's off topic. Seriously folks, I don't think you understand the gravity of this debate; are the extra few degrees from 59 to 61 all that important in the grand scheme of things? Will not shaving for a month really keep my face that much warmer? Who knows the answers to these questions? It's just like the great debate, "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" How can we hope to find an answer?
Too often, I think we shoot for the easy way out and just try to budget our money in a different way, hoping that by skimping on food supplies and toilet paper we can make it through the week clean-shaven and only wearing a sweater or a fleece while at home. But, a man's gotta eat and everyone poops. I can't starve myself in the middle of winter. Do I look like a bear (well, maybe in a few weeks), can I hibernate the cold away (not without my grades suffering), and, the kicker, am I seriously that lazy that I won't shave just to stay a little warmer (yes)?
I think I just may live in the 24-hour computer lab. That place is so hot, I think it's actually a sauna. It's great for winter, but once I walk back outside all that sweat is not going to help me stay warm. Looks like I'll just have to skimp on the shaving for a while. Sorry ladies; I know how much you'll miss the clean-shaven me. Not to worry, there'll still be the memory of my baby-faced self for you to dream about on those long, cold nights. And remember, with Valentine's Day just around the corner, anyone could be your new special someone.
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