Cankles: the half calf, half ankle oddity
Megan Poling
Issue date: 4/26/07 Section: Columns
As I sat on an oddly comfortable mall bench, tirelessly waiting for my sister to buy a dress, I had the opportunity to perform one of my favorite activities: people watch.
People watching is similar to the hobby of bird watching, but far more entertaining. Instead of determining the genus and species of various birds, people watching allows one to determine the fashion sense of the public and to see the anomalies of the human body. As herds of all tall people, short people, fat people, young people, old people, and freaky people passed me, I noticed one person in particular.
I began to stare at a pleasantly plump woman and her two children stopped at an Auntie Anne's kiosk. For a full 30 seconds I musingly watched this woman stuff her face with a soft pretzel. Then, as I was about to avert my eyes to find someone else to observe, I noticed something so horrifying, so terribly wrong with this woman I was in disbelief that I hadn't caught sight of it earlier.
This woman was unfortunately endowed with a serious case of cankles, for I could not decipher where her calf ended and her ankle started. The situation was worsened by the fact that she was drawing attention to her cankles by wearing capri pants. She might as well be carrying flashing neon signs that read "Hey everybody, look at my cankles!"
After this rather disturbing event, I began to wonder about the cankle phenomena. I was no expert on cankles, but there is one person on Wittenberg's campus who specializes in, as well as having a clinical fear of cankles. I interviewed junior, Colleen Kannen to find out more about cankles and her life in constant fear of these calf/ankle atrocities.
Megan: Can you define cankles?
Colleen: It is an aesthetically unfortunate physiological condition which leaves its victims with no discernable narrowing of the ankle between the calf and the foot. The word is derived from a combination of the words calf and ankle.
Megan: Who has cankles? Colleen: Well, it's unfortunate that women often are associated with cankles, but it is true. I have noticed cankles are more prominent in women than they are in men. Pudgy people are often victims due to extra layers of fat that mask ankle definition. However, cankles can affect anyone; cankles do not discriminate. For example, Charlotte York from "Sex in the City" is one of the many sufferers.
People watching is similar to the hobby of bird watching, but far more entertaining. Instead of determining the genus and species of various birds, people watching allows one to determine the fashion sense of the public and to see the anomalies of the human body. As herds of all tall people, short people, fat people, young people, old people, and freaky people passed me, I noticed one person in particular.
I began to stare at a pleasantly plump woman and her two children stopped at an Auntie Anne's kiosk. For a full 30 seconds I musingly watched this woman stuff her face with a soft pretzel. Then, as I was about to avert my eyes to find someone else to observe, I noticed something so horrifying, so terribly wrong with this woman I was in disbelief that I hadn't caught sight of it earlier.
This woman was unfortunately endowed with a serious case of cankles, for I could not decipher where her calf ended and her ankle started. The situation was worsened by the fact that she was drawing attention to her cankles by wearing capri pants. She might as well be carrying flashing neon signs that read "Hey everybody, look at my cankles!"
After this rather disturbing event, I began to wonder about the cankle phenomena. I was no expert on cankles, but there is one person on Wittenberg's campus who specializes in, as well as having a clinical fear of cankles. I interviewed junior, Colleen Kannen to find out more about cankles and her life in constant fear of these calf/ankle atrocities.
Megan: Can you define cankles?
Colleen: It is an aesthetically unfortunate physiological condition which leaves its victims with no discernable narrowing of the ankle between the calf and the foot. The word is derived from a combination of the words calf and ankle.
Megan: Who has cankles? Colleen: Well, it's unfortunate that women often are associated with cankles, but it is true. I have noticed cankles are more prominent in women than they are in men. Pudgy people are often victims due to extra layers of fat that mask ankle definition. However, cankles can affect anyone; cankles do not discriminate. For example, Charlotte York from "Sex in the City" is one of the many sufferers.
Viewing Comments 1 - 10 of 24
Nicole
posted 2/05/08 @ 6:16 PM EST
Really huh? You're a total bitch Colleen. You might have nice legs, unlike the women you spoke of, but you've probably got some other feature about you that makes you totally ugly, if not uglier than cankles. (Continued…)
Jessica
posted 5/30/08 @ 3:05 AM EST
Idiots. You know cankles don't just curse "fat" people. They are generally caused by G-E-N-E-T-I-C-S. The same things that made you a total bitch (follows suit with your mother, more than likely). (Continued…)
Michelle
posted 6/13/08 @ 3:30 PM EST
Colleen, really, not everyone is born without cankles. I have them and I'm 111 lbs. I do everything I can possibly do to get rid of them, that means working out and I've just got to face the facts. (Continued…)
john
posted 6/15/08 @ 12:23 PM EST
cankles are awesome people shouldn't have to change their life because of your experiences with them.cankles are just one's way of living life.
kay
posted 6/19/08 @ 11:05 PM EST
Hey nobody's perfect, not even you...
If it's hot outside I don't care how bad my cankles look, I'm not gonna roast to death because some stupid shallow twits don't wanna look at my cankles. (Continued…)
YOU FAT SLUT
posted 7/18/08 @ 10:25 AM EST
COLLEEN IS A WANKER WITH AN UGLY PERSONALITY AND NO COMPASSION WAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND MY DEAR!
Lamar Jimmerson
posted 9/09/08 @ 5:55 PM EST
Dear Readership,
Colleen is spot on; cankles are not only horrifically repugnant, but dangerous to children as well. It is interesting to note all of the cankled women (and one curiously named John!) who arrived here only to attempt to defend the indefensible, simply because they are they walking products of an aesthetically frightening genetic mutation. (Continued…)
Colleen
posted 9/12/08 @ 3:29 PM EST
This article was written as a total joke. Megan was trying to come up with article ideas and 'cankles; came to mind because we both love the word. This was not meant to insult people who have cankles. (Continued…)
Tomas
posted 10/30/08 @ 5:13 AM EST
Hahahaha this is so precious, I dont know what is most hillarious, the article that is very obviously a joke or the idiots taking it seriously hahaha you are truly stupid, the price goes to the person calling Colleen "a fat slut" talk about overreacting, to avoid looking stupid again I advice you to think before you talk/write, acting in affect seldom turns out to your own favour. (Continued…)
eden
posted 12/03/08 @ 5:30 AM EST
dude i have cankles and im very self concious about them. this is so mean. god...i can't believe all you ignorant bitches. it's ppl like you that absolutely disgust me. (Continued…)
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